Welcome to Wu Hospital!
by dragooncanon
Summary: A story told in Lu Xun's point of view Lu Xun goes to the hospital because of 3rd degree burns and all the other Wu and some Shu and Wei officers come to visit him and they all get into a buttload of trouble.
1. My Flaming Experience

**Welcome to Wu Hospital**

**Chapter I: My Flaming Experience**

**Author's note: This Fanfiction was inspired by an episode of _Get Backers_ **

**Summary:A story told in Lu Xun's point of view; Lu Xun goes to the hospital because of 3rd degree burns and all the other Wu (and some Shu and Wei) officers come to visit him and they all get into a butt-load of trouble.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors at all.**

Hi, my name is Lu Xun! I have this really interesting story! It's really funny. But I still don't understand why the other generals in Wu don't like it…

Anyway, they're not here, so I can tell you my story as it is!

It all started a few weeks ago, I was looking for my lucky coin which fell out of my pocket last Saturday when Gan Ning and I were fighting over a piece of bubblegum.

I couldn't help it! How can anyone resist its _bubblegummy_ goodness?

But I won, because I used my great cunning to outsmart him and win the candy!

Actually, I told him that his shoelace was untied then I snatched the bubblegum from him and stuffed it in my mouth. By the time he realized he didn't have shoelaces, it was gone!

"Lu Xun, where's the bubblegum?" he went.

"What bubblegum are you talking about, Gan Ning! There was no bubblegum."

"Yes there was!"

"No way; you're a fibber! I can't remember it!"

"It's bad to lie, you little pyromaniac! Fork it over!"

Well of course I obeyed him because I'm such a good boy, so I opened my mouth and I stuck my tongue out and the bubblegum was there! I chewed it up a bit, so my saliva was hanging to some of the little, little cracks in between the lumpy mass that was the bubblegum. Not a pretty sight for Gan Ning.

"Eew… you can keep it Lu Xun…" he said.

"It's your loss Gan Ning!"

Now where was I? Oh yeah!

So, there I was looking for my lucky coin. I didn't notice the lighted candle beside me and so my head brushed past it.

"I found my lucky coin!" I exclaimed when I found my precious treasure. Then I noticed that my head was aflame…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH! My head is on fire! Somebody help me!"

I picked up a pillow, ready to extinguish it. Then I stopped.

"But the flames are so beautiful…" I sighed admiring the bright orange flame on my head. Then I noticed the fire spread upon my face.

"Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!"

I got a vase and I was about to drench myself and extinguish the flame. But it was so beautiful… How could I murder the gentle dancing flames upon me?

Then all of a sudden I felt extreme heat all over my body. I realized that my arms and my entire torso were on fire, so I dropped the vase.

I was shrieking and shrieking so loud. It was surprise no one heard! They all gave me a lame excuse that they weren't home!

I decided to stop, drop and roll. The heat of my flaming body was unbearable!

Just as I was about to roll, I stopped again.

It was so beautiful to watch the flames…

It was if the goddess of the hearth, Vesta came to adorn my body with her gracious bright orange flames…Sigh…

"AAH!" I shrieked, when I saw the fire crawl down my legs.

My entire body was burning!

I was ready to roll again, but second thoughts came again.

Fire…Fire…Fire…

Oh, it was all so beautiful… And excruciating! "AHH!" I shrieked again.

My skin was nearly melting! However, No matter how loud I screamed, the flames wouldn't disappear. That was a bad thing as well as a good thing for me… Oh, the bitter irony!

Fortunately, the neighbor heard my screams of agony and phoned the hospital.

Minutes later an ambulance came and I was rushed to the hospital.

I sustained 3rd degree burns, so I had to stay in the hospital for a couple of weeks.

The doctors were stunned to find out that I was still alive! Of course I was. I'm Lu Xun the indestructible!

So I had to stay alone in my hospital room. But as the days passed, I got _really, really_ bored.

You know staring at that disgusting picture of that sad clown on your hospital room's wall gets tedious at times. When you're not laughing at how miserable he is anyway. I tried to burn it once, but they caught me before I could and made me go back to bed.

I asked for a laptop then.

It wasn't for surfing though…

I was able to hack into the hospital's surveillance cameras. Now I could see whatever went on in the hospital. It was actually entertaining. Like watching those hospital soap opera dramas or whatever that they showed on TV.

Then finally, one day my friends visited me!

Lord Sun Quan was the first to come to my hospital room.

"Hi, Lu Xun, how are you feeling so far?" he asked, while entering my room.

"Lord Sun Quan, you came to visit me!" I beamed, "Wait a minute, why did you only visit me now?" Not to sound ungrateful or anything.

"Well, when we heard what happened to you, we were all horrified!" he related, "We wanted to visit you right away, but the other generals were frightened to see how you would look after getting burned alive…"

I looked at a nearby mirror.

"Hey, I look okay!"

"Lu Xun, that's a picture of Tom Cruise..."

"Oh…" I murmured, turning to a _real_ mirror. "I look the same!" And I look much better than that Cruise guy. Humph.

Wait a minute, why did I have a picture of that guy in my room anyway?

"Yes, unfortunately you do…" Lord Sun Quan muttered to himself. What was that supposed to mean! He cleared his throat and continued, "Anyway, we were finally able to convince everyone to come visit you! The others will be coming later." Oh sure, changing the subject!

"Really; they are? YAY!" I cheered.

"By the way, Lu Xun, where's the little boy's room?"

"What?"

He leaned closer to me and whispered, "I have to take a leak…"

"Oh! Down the hall to your right, then left, then go on, then turn left again at the delivery room, then turn right, then go forward, then turn left, then go again, then turn right, then stop at the elevator, then turn right, then left, then right again, then move forward until the fourth intersection, then turn right, then right, then left, then go straight for six halls, then turn left and then right! You can't miss it!"

"O-kay… Never mind, I'll just ask the hospital staff…" Lord Sun Quan replied, going out the room. "Just wait for the others. I'll return right away!"  
I sighed. I was alone again.

Hours passed, so I got really bored. But don't worry; my story is more interesting later. Just wait till the others show up!

To be continued…

Sorry if the story sucks…


	2. Mischief and Mayhem

**Chapter II: Mischief and Mayhem**

**Whooh! Chapter two!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dynasty Warriors.**

Ahem, now where was I?

Oh yes!

Well, finally someone came to my room.

It was Sun Shang Xiang with Liu Bei, who is her annoying fiancé. He even had the nerve to bring Guan Yu, Zhang Fei and Zhao Yun along! Can't he trust me? What would _I_, the oh-so-cute Lu Xun do to him?

But they brought me balloons! Zhang Fei had red ones, Guan Yu had little animal shaped ones and Zhao Yun handed me ones filled with helium.

"Hi, Lu Xun, are you feeling much better?" Shang Xiang asked me, watching me fiddle with the helium-filled ones. Hah, they made a farting sound. Funny.

"Yep, I sure am." I answered

Then Liu Bei handed me a letter.

"Here, Lu Xun," he said, "I made sure all the Shu generals write a get well card for you."

"Oh really? They remember me?"

"Not exactly…"

Okay, so this is what Shu did…

"Lord Liu Bei has ordered us all to write a get well card for Lu Xun." Zhuge Liang announced. "Who's Lu Xun?" Ma Chao asked, staring at the Shu strategist. Humph! The nerve of Ma Chao!

"Lu Xun is the Wu strategist." Jiang Wei explained.

"Wait, no he's not." Pang Tong objected.

Yue Ying nodded, "Yes, I don't remember any Lu Xun…"

"But there is!" Jiang Wei protested, throwing his arms down in frustration, "Wu has more than one strategist you know! Like us!"

"We do?" Huang Zhong asked, cocking his head in confusion.

"Zhuge Liang and Pang Tong!" Jiang Wei exclaimed.

Everyone else let out a loud "I didn't know Pang Tong was our strategist…" Well, except for Pang Tong himself. He frowned. I think.

"But I never heard of a Lu Xun." Yue Ying protested.

I should hang them all…

"Right…Lu …Xun…Who?" Wei Yan asked in his broken English.

"ARGH! To hell with you all!" Jiang Wei cursed, storming out the room. He was practically ripping his hair off!

"I still don't know who Lu Xun is though…"Ma Chao confessed.

I'm really considering killing Ma Chao. Wait, who's Ma Chao?

Anyway, back to the _real_ story…

"Sorry, Lu Xun, but Liu Bei and I can't stay long…" Shang Xiang said.

"Why?"

Zhao Yun then bowed, "My lord has joined a special organization that helps out children with cancer. And he needs to visit some of those children in this very hospital…"

Stroking his beard, Guan Yu added, "It's a very noble cause."

"Yes and I'm so proud of Liu Bei!" Shang Xiang beamed, hugging her fiancé's arm.

I bet he just did it to impress Shang Xiang…

Then they left just like that.

Well, I had to see if my theory was right or wrong, so I opened my laptop and I spied on them.

They entered the ward.

"Look! Someone came to visit us!" one child exclaimed, as Liu Bei entered the room. With a huge smile, the Shu ruler looked at them.

His eyes bulged in shock and almost immediately he sprang to grasp Zhao Yun's arm. Aha! I knew it!

"Zhao Yun! These children – they're bald!"

"Of course they are," Zhao Yun replied, "They have cancer…"

"Is it contagious?"

"I thought you were used to cancer. Anyway, have no fear, my lord! Now what do we do for them?"

"Well actually… I have no idea…" Liu Bei confessed, after he made sure he was out of earshot from Shang Xiang or his brothers, "I wasn't really expecting this…" I knew it, what a show-off!

Zhao Yun looked puzzled, "What do you mean?"

"I signed up to impress Shang Xiang…"

"Oh…Well, we still must devise something to make them enjoy."

With a nod, Liu Bei agreed, "I'll come up with something. Just don't tell anyone!" Zhao Yun nodded obediently.

I rubbed my hands with glee. Now to watch Liu Bei make a fool of himself…

Calling upon Guan Yu discreetly, Liu Bei pulled his brother to the broom closet.

"Brother, why are we in a broom closet?" asked Guan Yu, looking at Liu Bei and Zhao Yun.

"Because I like broom closets. Now, Guan Yu, I need you to do something for me. I can't perform for these kids because of …umm…umm…"

"Bad gas!" Zhao Yun blurted out.

Liu Bei stared at Zhao Yun, "Zhao Yun! How could you think of that?" he demanded. I can tell he doesn't want Guan Yu to think he's the number one super farter in China; if you catch my drift.

Patting Liu Bei's back, Guan Yu muttered, "Don't worry, brother. Zhang Fei gets that a lot. But he can still do a lot of tasks."

"Well, I also have…err…umm…uhh…"

"Diarrhea!" Zhao Yun blurted out.

"Zhao Yun! What are you saying?"

"Well, that's the first thing that came to my mind…"

"Never, ever finish my sentences again, Zhao Yun!" Liu Bei murmured, giving Zhao Yun a dagger look.

Liu Bei cleared his throat and smiled weakly at Guan Yu. "Zhao Yun, he's such a comedian! He likes to make people laugh!"

"I do?" Zhao Yun asked, bewildered by Liu Bei's statement.

"Oh, brother, don't be ashamed, I will entertain the children for you. You just go and umm… do your business, little camper…" Guan Yu replied, winking.

"He, he, he… right…Anyway, thanks a bunch Guan Yu." Liu Bei murmured, shoving Guan Yu out the broom closet. Then he locked the door and sighed. Then he looked at Zhao Yun.

"Never, ever finish my sentences, Zhao Yun! Ever!"

Suddenly, I was interrupted as someone came into my room. Phooey!

Immediately, I closed my laptop and hid it under my pillow.

"So, how are you?"

It was Zhou Yu!

He walked into the room, smiling at me.

"I'm fine…" I replied, leaning back, trying to conceal the computer. If I was caught with my computer, then I would be in a butt load of trouble.

He threw a bouquet of flowers at me.

"Get well soon." he said, about to leave the room.

"Hey, aren't you going to spend time with the sick person?" I demanded, folding my arms.

"Must I? You're utterly boring…" he sighed. I can hear you, for your information; I'm not deaf…

"Come on, even for a short while!" I pleaded, "I'm getting really lonely!"

"Okay, okay…" he sighed, standing in front of me. After ten seconds, he spoke up, "Okay, I'm done. Bye, Lu Xun take care of yourself."

"Hey! Don't leave me!"

But Zhou Yu ignored me and left the room! The nerve!

As soon as he left, I took out my laptop and I spied on him. Leave me will you?

I saw him going around a bunch of halls. I think he was lost! Man, this hospital is like a maze.

"Excuse me," he said, peeping into an open door, "I'm lost."

Suddenly, a tall, lanky lady who was _really, really_ skinny approached him. Man, she was so skinny! She was like a walking skeleton. Ugh, disgusting! Her cheek bone was irregularly high up and her dull hair was tied into a bun and ugly-framed glasses sat at the end of her nose bridge. She was so ugly!

Anyway, tall and skinny walked up to him. She seemed to be examining him. "Oh! I'll show you the way." she said, grabbing his wrist, "You must be the new recruit."

"Huh?" Zhou Yu looked at her as if she were some bizzarro alien being from another galaxy.

"I'm the head nurse," she explained, "You must be the newly recruited nurse…"

"W-wait, I think you're mistaken!" he protested as she started dragging him to

who-knows-where by his wrist.

"Do I look like someone who would make a mistake?" the head nurse bellowed as she stopped and stared at Zhou Yu with her eyes ablaze with fury. I swear I saw steam coming out of her ears!

"N-no, sir - I mean ma'am!"

"Right… I didn't think so…" she uttered, resuming her dragging, "Besides, there's nothing to be afraid of, little girl."

"Little girl? But I'm a man!" he protested, trying to squirm out of her firm grasp. Whoa, she must've been strong, cause he couldn't get away. She probably works out often!

The head nurse chuckled, "Sure you are…"

"No! I'm a full-fledged man! I swear!" Zhou Yu exclaimed, pulling against her bony yet mighty hand.

She ignored him the entire way until they reached a room that had the sign, _Nurse's Locker Room_. She dragged him in and locked the door. For minutes I squinted at the screen. Then I hacked unto another surveillance camera, inside the so-called locker room. Up until now, I can't understand why this hospital has surveillance cameras all over…

I saw the head nurse exit the room, them I saw him!

I nearly fell off my bed from laughing!

"What the hell!" he shrieked. For the next thing he saw was that he was wearing a nurse's outfit! And there was a really short mini skirt where his pants should have been. I found it hilarious!

I doubt it if Zhou Yu agrees with me.

Then, I saw the door of my room crack open. Again, I hid the laptop. Why don't people knock before entering anymore?

It was Lord Sun Quan _–_ again…

"Sorry, Lu Xun, I had to find the bathroom. I got a little lost along the way." he apologized, grabbing a chair, "did anyone else arrive while I was gone?"

"Well, Shang Xiang, her annoying fiancé, Liu Bei and three of his bodyguards came. They gave me these balloons!" I reported, as I grabbed one helium filled balloon and proceeded making those funny farting noises. "Oh and Zhou Yu dropped by." I grinned maliciously, remembering his…err…predicament…

Lord Sun Quan just nodded. "Well, I hope the others get here soon…"

To be continued…

I wish you like this! Don't worry; the other officers will arrive by the next chapter!


	3. Turning TopsyTurvy

**I hope you like this! Thanks for the positive feedback guys! I know Lu Xun's out of character, but I can explain! It's because Lu Xun took too many pain relievers and stuff! Yeah, that must be it! Oh and this is an AU or an Alternate Universe fanfic. It means that it's not exactly in their real time.**

**Disclaimer:** **I don't own Dynasty Warriors.**

**Chapter III: Turning Topsy-Turvy**

Oh! Sorry that I left you hanging back there guys!

I hope you're still listening to my story!

So, there I was, staring at Lord Sun Quan and at how he curiously resembled the sad clown on my wall…

All of a sudden, the door slammed open!

I was surprised after that loud slam; too surprised.

My head lurched forward and into my mouth went the balloon. I just inhaled helium.

I gulped.

Uh-oh…

I bet you already know what happens when someone sucks in helium…

"How ya doing, Lu Xun?" Gan Ning asked, entering the room with Lord Sun Ce. I quickly threw the deflated balloon into a trash bin. Fortunately for me, Lord Sun Quan didn't see my little accident.

"What's up, Lu Xun? Hey there, bro! I didn't know you were here already!" Lord Sun Ce exclaimed.

"Must you be so rowdy, Ce?" Lord Sun Quan muttered, rubbing his temples.

"Me? Rowdy? Hah! You must be kidding, bro!" Lord Sun Ce chuckled, slapping Lord Sun Quan's back. On the contrary, Lord Sun Ce not being rowdy is what's impossible…

"Come on, Lu Xun, why don't ya tell us how you're feeling?" Gan Ning asked. I smiled faintly, trying to throw him off asking me questions. There was no way I'd let them hear me!

I just shook my head and lied down. I yawned motioning that I was sleepy. Then I closed my eyes, unaware of the grin on Gan Ning's face.

He crept up to me and shrieked like a banshee being tortured. UGH! The pain of that sound still haunts me until now. Most of the other general's antics gave me headaches anyway. That's why I take 18 pain killers everyday. They give me a whimsical feeling, well that was until the doctors found out that it was cause for my pyromania and slight lunacy.

Anyway, so I sat up in horror.

"wHaT's GoInG oN?" I squeaked in the highest voice I have ever heard.

Lord Sun Ce broke out in laughter. Gan Ning looked shocked.

"Well, I was about to say that was for the bubblegum, but-" Gan Ning suddenly broke out in laughter, "This is better! What's up Lu Xun? Are you practicing for the new Micker Mouse auditions?"

"Ha, ha, ha! Mickey Mouse auditions!" Lord Sun Ce giggled.

"oH sHuT uP…" I growled in a very squeaky voice, "I JuSt HaPpEnEd To InHaLe HeLiUm…"

"Why'd you inhale helium, Lu Xun? Do you want to fly away? You'd be a flying Mickey Mouse then!" Gan Ning joked.

"Why'd you inhale helium! What a joke!" Lord Sun Ce guffawed, slamming his fists on my side table.

"That's not the joke, Ce." Lord Sun Quan murmured.

"Anyway, we'll go get you a drink, Lu Xun so that you can wash down the foul taste of your helium snack." Gan Ning jeered, pulling a laughing Lord Sun Ce away, "We saw a vending machine downstairs."

Finally the dynamically insane duo left…

"Sorry, Lu Xun, I have to go." Lord Sun Quan suddenly said, "I didn't really find the bathroom. Your directions were…how do I say this? They were totally absurd."

Absurd? How harsh.

At least he was gone. I got my laptop out again.

I decided to spy on that twit, Liu Bei. Twit…that sounded _wrong_. A twit is actually a pregnant goldfish, but he _is_ like one...

Anyway as the camera locked on everyone's favorite moron, I saw something terrible. So terrible that no man should be made to see it for the love of humanity! It was-

Guan Yu in a dress!

To save myself from being blind, I switched back to the broom closet. And why the hospital keeps cameras in the broom closet is beyond me.

"Okay, how about Guan Yu and Zhao Yun reenact a scene from _Romeo and Juliet_?" Liu Bei said.

"Alright, but these costumes are itchy. Besides, how did you get them my lord?" a very uncomfortable Zhao Yun in bizarre prince costume asked.

"This is a comedy Zhao Yun, so don't be a smartass with me by asking me that."

"Understood, my lord, but I must admit to you that I am not the best actor there is."

"Come on, Zhao Yun, you're nearly superhuman, I mean you can do anything!"

"But I'm a terrible actor…"

"Come on Zhao Yun! The kids will be entertained by this!"

Oh, believe me Liu Bei, those kids are already laughing at Guan Yu in dress.

"I don't know if I am up to the task, my lord."

"Yes you are Zhao Yun! Just keep thinking that you are not Zhao Yun anymore, you are Romeo. Remember, you're not Zhao Yun and Guan Yu is not Guan Yu. He is now Juliet. Try your best to keep this in mind, okay?"

"Yes, my lord. I am not Zhao Yun, I am Romeo and General Guan Yu is Juliet…"

Then they left the broom closet and they saw Guan Yu already standing there in a dress, batting his eyelashes. That image still haunts me.

"Good luck, Zhao Yun and remember what I said." Liu Bei murmured, pushing Zhao Yun forward. It seemed that the Shu general was in deep concentration for his eyes were closed and he was muttering something. But once Liu Bei shoved him his eyes opened immediately.

"Oh, merciful heavens!" Zhao Yun shrieked, "Juliet has a rather long beard!"

The kids giggled uncontrollably. Even Lady Sun Shang Xiang and Zhang Fei did.

"Zhao Yun, what are you doing?" Liu Bei demanded.

"I did just what you told me, my lord. I believed that I wasn't Zhao Yun and that he was Juliet. Well, Romeo would've been shocked too if his fair Juliet had a really long beard." Zhao Yun replied.

"I think you remembered too well…" Liu Bei sighed and then he stopped to see everyone else laughing. "Wait, Zhao Yun, on second thought, keep it up. I don't know why, but everyone else loves it!"

Zhao Yun nodded obediently and walked forward. "And now my beloved and fair Juliet has legs as hairy as a gorilla that has not shaved for a decade! Her beautiful and smooth face has become jagged like a rock!" Zhao Yun lamented, "Oh, cruel fate!"

Everyone looked happy as they were laughing like crazy. I have to admit, even I was. But Guan Yu looked vexed.

"Romeo, what nonsense are you speaking?" Guan Yu asked, trying to keep the act together.

"Speak no more, my beloved for your voice has changed from a sweet nightingale into that of a boar with laryngitis! The gods must be angered to do such a thing to you!"

"Hey, just wait a minute, Zhao Yun-"

"And your odor is like a toilet that has not been flushed for a month or the hairy arm pits of a fat, sweaty man. But wait, it is because you have the arm pits of one!" Zhao Yun wailed, pretending to cry, "Even your figure has gotten worse! You have become plump like a baleen whale"

"Alright, that's enough out of you, Romeo!" Guan Yu growled, pouncing on Zhao Yun like a deranged wolverine. He punched Zhao Yun's face, "And darling," Zhao Yun exclaimed still trying to act, "your gentleness has faded into absurd masculinity as you have muscles the size of Mt. Everest and the strength of 50 lummox!"

"What did you say?" Guan Yu snarled, "Do you want another punch, prince charming?"

Well, things got nasty as Zhao Yun kept insulting him. One might wonder why the children kept laughing.

Anyway, I then looked for another cross dresser, if you catch my drift even if it wasn't him who put the outfit on him. So anyway, I found Zhou Yu in his _cute_ nurse outfit.

Heh, heh, heh…

He was looking for the creepy head nurse who had his clothes. But as he was walking, he heard dumb and dumber themselves who were at the vending machine.

He dove behind a wall.

"Man, I almost forgot!" Lord Sun Ce exclaimed, as Gan Ning handed him a bottle of water, "I was supposed to meet Zhou Yu here; I should've asked Lu Xun if he saw him!"

"Let's go ask the chipmunk if he saw him when we get back." Gan Ning suggested. Chipmunk, huh?

"Why, Gan Ning, can you talk to animals?"

"I was referring to Lu Xun."

"Oh!"

Then they turned and left.

I could see Zhou Yu sigh in relief. "I have to find that evil nurse…" he murmured to himself as he walked further down the hall. "I can't let any of the generals see me. I would be the laughingstock of Wu!"

Then just as he passed by this guy who was standing by the doorway, hell broke loose…

"Hey, there, cutie…" the guy said, placing his hand on Zhou Yu's shoulder.

"Excuse me?" Zhou Yu asked, turning around to face the guy.

"Why don't you hang out with me for awhile, nurse cutie?"

"I'm sorry, but-"

Suddenly, the guy pinched Zhou Yu's butt. And almost automatically Zhou Yu's leg went up, kicking the guy in the…erm… _ding-dong_…

The guy yelped in pain.

"Stay the hell away from me, you pervert!" Zhou Yu yelled, glaring angrily as the man held his _sore part_.

"How dare you!" the guy shouted, "I'll show you! Boys, get out here!"

Suddenly several bulking men surrounded Zhou Yu.

"Wonderful…" he muttered.

**To be continued…**


	4. In a World of Trouble

**I'm back and here's chapter four! I'm starting to run dry on humor already as I've used them for my fanfics already. Anyway, I hope that this is still funny. Thanks again for all the reviews and support, guys! I'm lucky I even got through to write this! Well, at least now that I have DW5 I can put in the new characters. Hey, I've been thinking of any other Shu or Wei characters that should come to visit. If you want anyone else to visit Lu Xun just say so and I'll try to put him/her in! Gah, there might be slight yaoi in this chapter. Shield your eyes! The rating goes up in this chapter for swearing and other stuff...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors**

**Chapter IV: In a World of Trouble**

Hey, Lu Xun here again.

Did I leave you guys all hanging? Anyway, so back to the story…

So there he was, smack dab in probably the worst fight of his life. A group of muscular men surrounded Zhou Yu ready to beat the living hell out of him. "We'll tear you limb from limb!" the leader bellowed, cracking his knuckles.

But as I the fight nearly began, my door opened and in came the dynamic duo.

"Hey, there Mickey Mouse, did ya miss us?" Gan Ning jeered, throwing to me the bottle of water.

"Well, the helium has worn off," I said, "So you can stop making fun of me having a high voice."

"I can, but I don't wanna!" the pirate laughed, poking my forehead. I felt rather nauseous. He pokes hard.

"Oh yeah, Lu Xun, have you seen Zhou Yu? I was supposed to meet him here." Lord Sun Ce asked me.

"He came here, but he left right away. He must be looking for you." I said steadying myself after Gan Ning's powerful poke.

"Hey, wasn't Lord Sun Quan with you?" Gan Ning asked.

I nodded, "He left. But he's still within the building. He just needed to answer nature's call."

Then Gan Ning went towards the doorway, "We gotta look for him," Gan Ning announced, "Wait for us, Lu Xun." And then they left. I frowned. Why does everyone leave me? They were supposed to come here for _me_. I got lonely so often there. But at least they were gone. So I opened my computer and it automatically opened at the front door where I saw Zhou Tai, Ling Tong, Huang Gai, Lord Sun Jian and Lord Lu Meng enter.

"Hey, guys, we'll never find Lu Xun's room if we just stand here so let's get going!" Lord Lu Meng exclaimed only to get moans from Ling Tong and Huang Gai. "Must we walk?" Huang Gai lamented, "We just got here." Ling Tong nodded, "Besides, I'm not too hot about the idea of seeing Lu Xun after he got burned and all…" Lord Sun Jian gave a nod, folding his arms across his chest, "Come now, definitely he can wait just seconds, you know…" "Fine, fine, fine, I'll go look for it and you two do what you're supposed to. What ever that is…" Lord Lu Meng sighed, walking off.

Zhou Tai eyed him, "I'll look for Lord Sun Quan…"

Then they all went different ways.

Just then that dirty horse guy who forgot my name came in along with Zhuge Liang and that protégé of his. "Prime Minister," Jiang Wei said, "Where is the First Ruler?" Fanning himself, the Shu strategist answered, "He's in the children's ward I think, come we shall meet up with him…" The horse guy, Pang Tong, what? Oh, Pang Tong's the dirty, ragged hobo guy? Then who is this guy, Wei Yan? No? That's the beast-like tribal guy with a mask? Really, now, I thought that Wei Yan was Tarzan. Then who is the horse guy? Oh, that's Ma Chao.

Ahem, so _Ma Chao_ spoke up, "Right, I'll just get some snacks for everyone at the snack bar. Every hospital's gotta have one, you know. I'll meet up with you guys later."

I then switched to Liu Bei. They were gonna get there anyway.

Guan Yu was sitting beside a nauseous Zhao Yun who was holding a chunk of ice to his head. "Are you going to be okay with that concussion? You took quite a blow from me when I smacked you on the head with a table." Guan Yu said, "Forgive me but I was angry."

Zhao Yun just stared at him blankly and nodded. "You hit me on the head with a table?"

"I think our Lord Liu Bei will be pleased to find that you're still alright."

"Who's Liu Bei?"

"What did you say?"

"I asked who Liu Bei is."

"What are you talking about, Zhao Yun?"

"What's a Zhao Yun?"

"Oh shit."

Guan Yu began to sweat heavily, "Brother! Brother! There's something wrong with Zhao Yun!" he called to Liu Bei, getting more anxious.

But Liu Bei didn't hear him for he had his own problems. He knew that he needed to cheer the kids up. After all, he needed to impress Sun Shang Xiang. "I have no idea why, but I actually want to cheer these kids up. Just seeing the smile on their face is…wonderful…"

Sure, but I still can't trust that dork.

Just then Zhang Fei came up to Liu Bei, "Hey, I have an idea. I'll do a magic show!" he exclaimed, "You guys could help me with the allusions and stuff!"

"Zhang Fei, its illusions."

"Brother!" Guan Yu cut-in.

"What? What is it?" Liu Bei asked.

"It's Zhao Yun! He has amnesia!"

"What? Amnesia?"

"Yes, he's here. He's…"

But when they looked there was no one on the chair.

"…not here…"

Sweat trickled down Liu Bei's face. "We have to find him!"

Guan Yu nodded, "Brother, we shall go. Lady Sun and Zhang Fei shall stay here and finish the job."

"Right, come on, Guan Yu!"

I switched the camera trying to follow them, but alas, I saw Lu Bu outside in the parking lot talking to a policeman.

"Sir, you illegally parked your pink horse in a no parking zone and do you have a license for those cockroach antennas?" the police man asked, as he began writing down on a notebook pad.

"Pink! Red Hare is **RED**! And these happen to be peacock feather head ornaments!" Lu Bu protested, "And what is this _parking_ you speak of?"

"Sir, do you know it is illegal to ride a pink horse like that here?"

"It's **RED** I said, you idiot!"

"Sir, I'm afraid you'll have to come downtown with me." The police man said as he took a pair of handcuffs out.

"You'll never take me without a fight!" Lu Bu screeched pulling out his pointy big-ass halberd, "Die, scum!" (Lu Bu's Theme song starts playing)

"ARGH!" the policeman groaned as Lu Bu cut him down with his Musou Rage.

His halberd smashed into car hoods and into the floor, smashing everything in sight.

"Who dares threaten the mighty Lu Bu with these big words of _parking_? Lu Bu does not fear **_PARKING!_**"

Then the loud sound of sirens blasted through the air and more policemen came.

"Enemy reinforcements are here!" Lu Bu exclaimed, "But they are still no match for me!"

"Get that man with the pink horse!"

He raised his halberd in the air and it came smashing down to the ground when the policemen came. "**RED!**" Then he grabbed one policeman and threw him at the others. "That's right, you scum! Fear me!"(Theme song stops)

So I changed the camera once more, as I found Lu Bu's stupidity painful. Besides, since he cut down one of those police more will surely come soon making that a bloody scene.

Then I remembered what I was originally watching, so I switched back to see Zhou Yu _trying_ to take on the large dirty and possibly drunk men.

"Why don't you just come along with us? If you do we won't have to break your pretty face."

"What are you insane?" Zhou Yu snapped.

And why they weren't fighting yet is something I have yet to realize. But as they continued the stare-off, I saw Ma Chao approaching!

He stopped and hid behind a wall. "It's a damsel in distress!" Ma Chao exclaimed, "This looks like a job for…" Then he pulled out underwear and spandex and changed into them with the underwear on the outside. Then he donned a black mask and tied a big red cape to his back.

"**SUPER MA CHAO, UPHOLDER OF JUSTICE!**"

So this is what Ma Chao does in his spare time…

I laughed my head off seeing him in that silly outfit with nothing but socks for footwear. He then ran towards Zhou Yu and the men around him, "Villains, you are no match for -"

Suddenly he slipped because of his socks.

"Who are you?" Zhou Yu exclaimed shocked to see Ma Chao trip over his socks, but miraculously, he slipped forward and unto one of the men surrounding Zhou Yu.

"W-What is that guy?"

"He must be Batman!"

Then Ma Chao stood up and grabbed Zhou Yu, hoisting him over his shoulder.

"Hey, put me down!" Zhou Yu screeched beating Ma Chao's back as the caped crusader ran from the muscular men who gave chase.

"What a troublesome little girl!"

"Let me go, you lunatic!"

Ma Chao ignored the beatings and looked back to see the muscular men chasing him. "It's time to use my Ma Chao Boomerangs!" the spandex-laden Ma Chao cried as he threw paperclips at the men.

"Was that supposed to hurt?" the leader asked, while the paperclips bounced off his chest. "Get that Superman guy!" The men then gave chase.

"Damn, I knew I should've tested them first…"

At that moment, Lord Lu Meng came into the room. I hid the laptop behind my pillow and sat up properly.

"Good morning, Lu Xun, I trust that you have rested." Lord Lu Meng greeted, entering.

I smiled at him, trying to hide the laptop. "Yes, many have come to visit."

"That's good…" Lord Lu Meng said taking a seat, "What was that you were playing with anyway? You can't hide it from me, Lu Xun. I saw it."

"What are you trying to say?" I asked, becoming nervous. Damn, had he seen the laptop?

"Well?"

"Oh, Lord Lu Meng, could you please go to the pharmacy on the ground floor? I need to take some pills."

"What pills?"

"Erm…umm…penicillin, cephalosporin and aminoglycosides…" I answered for they were the only words related to pills I could remember.

Lord Lu Meng sighed as he went outside, "You better tell me what that was when I'm back." He said, "It wasn't pornography was it?"

"**NO**! Why would it be?"

Then he shrugged, "I dunno, I was merely guessing." And then he left me in peace once more for me to spy on people.

So I decided to check on him first. He was going to the elevator, cause the pharmacy was on the ground floor, remember? Anyway, so when he got there, he pressed the down button and it went down ever so slowly. The silly elevator music played on and on, as Lord Lu Meng tapped hit foot impatiently.

All of a sudden, the elevator came to a complete stop and he found himself stuck!

Lord Lu Meng got thrown on the floor by the impact. He sat up, rubbing his sore head.

Then I hit a button on the laptop accidentally, Oops! _Heh, heh, heh… _What? I just took twelve painkillers! Don't blame me…

It switched to the hallway where Gan Ning was walking. He was headed straight for Ling Tong who was going the other way.

"So if it isn't the dirty pirate." Ling Tong sneered upon seeing Gan Ning.

"Gah, Ling Tong, why the hell are you here?"

"I'm here to visit Lu Xun, you moron."

"I thought you were scared to see him."

"Well, I'm not headed there right now."

"Then where are you headed?"

"No where."

"Then you're gonna help me find Lord Sun Quan?"

"Why, is he lost?"

"Oh, ya think? Why else should I be lookin' then, ya ninny!"

"I'm no ninny, you dim-witted pirate!"

"Come on, we gotta cut this insulting, cause we gotta find our lord."

"_You're just scared_…" Ling Tong grumbled inaudibly.

"Huh?"

So the two best friends or enemies, whatever, walked on and on for stretches, until they came to a really old part of the hospital where there was hardly any light except for one dim lamp which was hanging from the ceiling dangerously. The tiles on the floor were cracked and some parts were empty. The paint on the walls was peeling and the windows of that hallway were boarded up by masking tape. Also, the cameras in that wing were old and of poor quality. I mean, I could hardly see a thing.

Ling Tong began to shiver, "Where are we?"

With a gulp, Gan Ning answered, "What are you talking about, I was following you!"

Then Ling Tong began to nibble on his already short nails as they walked onwards. Then a metallic and large door appeared before them. With no choice left, they entered the room.

They then found themselves in a room full of stretchers covered by cloths. There were rows and rows of them, but what was really freaky was that feet were sticking out and there were freaky tags.

They were at the hospital morgue!

"Gan Ning, we have to get out of here! Do you know where we are?" Ling Tong shivered, "If we don't leave soon, I'm gonna end up like them because of heart attack caused by too much terror! Besides, what if they decide to get up?"

"Oh shit, the door is jammed shut!" Gan Ning wailed, trying to force open the door.

"You have got to be kidding!" Ling Tong panicked.

Just then Gan Ning stood up straight and began laughing, "Hah, you should've seen your face, Ling Tong!" the pirate laughed, holding his sides, "You actually thought we were trapped inside!"

"Damn you! You tricked me!" Ling Tong exclaimed angrily, stamping his feet.

The pirate hollered so loud; loud enough to wake the dead…

Then at that moment, they heard an unearthly moan from one of the bodies and suddenly there was a click at the door. A shiver ran up both men's spines as the moan got louder and they began to shake so much.

"Was that the door locking?" Ling Tong asked with a gulp. Gan Ning nodded, "Oh god, Ling Tong, tell me that was your stomach." the pirate muttered frightened as they both hugged each other. They're knees were shaking like jelly.

Then the moan got louder once more.

"Sorry…it wasn't me…" Ling Tong answered through trembling lips as he and Gan Ning turned around.

I accidentally hit a button on my keyboard and the scene changed. Well, don't blame me; I just took twelve painkillers…

Then I saw Zhao Yun walking heading straight for that whacko, Ma Chao who was still carrying Zhou Yu on his shoulder.

The crazed superhero lit up upon seeing Zhao Yun. "Citizen, take this damsel for me while I lead these sweaty men the other way!" Ma Chao yelled, throwing Zhou Yu into Zhao Yun's arms. The amnesiac just stared blankly at Ma Chao, once he caught Zhou Yu.

Then Ma Chao dashed the other way.

Zhao Yun looked confused. "Who are you?" he called after Ma Chao who laughed, thinking that his disguise was perfect. Actually, Zhao Yun just couldn't remember who Ma Chao was.

"Put me down!" Zhou Yu barked, calling Zhao Yun back to his senses. "You want me to drop you to the floor?" the Shu general asked, letting go immediately. "AAH! No, don't drop me, you twit!" Zhou Yu snapped, holding onto Zhao Yun's neck, "I can let myself down, just let go when I do."

Suddenly, the pursuing men came and saw Zhao Yun carrying Zhou Yu.

"AGH!" the leader shrieked, "That guy must be the nurse's boyfriend!"

Upon hearing this Zhou Yu stopped abruptly and his face turned all red. Zhao Yun blushed as well.

"I am?" Zhao Yun asked, staring at them.

"No, h-he's not!" Zhou Yu protested, turning redder as he let go of Zhao Yun's neck, "H-how can that be!"

The leader of the muscular men looked angry, "Don't deny it! That must be why you resist my irresistible charm."

Irresistible charm, huh, he must be joking… I'm surprised he could even pronounce that…

"I'm going to beat your ass, lover boy and then I'm going to take your girl!"

"I am not his girl, you heathen pig!" Zhou Yu protested angrily, as Zhao Yun let him down.

"You may be thinking that now, cutie, but once I'm done with lover boy here, you' won't think I'm a pig." The leader said, putting up his fists before his face, "Cause now, you're facing a big, strong grizzly bear, lover boy!" The leader circled Zhao Yun who just stared at him.

Then as the muscular man moved to punch Zhao Yun, the Shu general's fist automatically came out and jabbed the man's face.

"What was that!" the leader moaned, as blood came from his nose.

"I-I'm sorry!" Zhao Yun apologized, "I didn't know that I could do this."

Then without warning the man's fist came at Zhao Yun who grabbed his wrist automatically and pulled it behind the man's back. "Whoa, look what I can do!"

Zhao Yun let the guy go. "Please, I have no intentions of fighting."

Suddenly, Ma Chao came running down the hall screaming, "**SUPER MA CHAO TO THE RESCUE!**"

He then tackled the leader and started throwing paperclips at his face. "My Ma Chao boomerangs shall assure that this couple's love is protected! By the way, Zhao Yun, nice girlfriend you have there."

"Who's Zhao Yun?" the amnesiac asked.

After pummeling the man's face with small colorful paperclips which he called boomerangs, Ma Chao stood up and leapt over to Zhao Yun and Zhou Yu. "Now, kiss you two love birds!" he exclaimed, grabbing their heads and moving them together. Then both their lips met.

Zhao Yun blushed.

"Ugh! That is the vilest thing I have ever done!" Zhou Yu moaned, spitting on the floor, "I'll kill you, you crazed moronic superhero freak!"

"I need no thanks, for this is my job as…**SUPER MA CHAO**!"

"_Super crazy is more like it_…"

"Now, Zhao Yun, you and your – _Zhao Yun_? Where are you?" the caped lunatic looked about, but found no Zhao Yun there, "Ooh, Zhao Yun, where are you?"

It seemed that Zhao Yun had unwittingly walked off, still as lost as ever. So he decided to ask for directions. He saw this tall, lanky lady in white and decided to ask her.

"Excuse me, ma'am." Zhao Yun said, tapping her on the shoulder.

Then she turned around. It was the evil nurse lady! **AUGH**! Her eyes went all shiny, like flying saucers and she had a huge smile on that bony, nasty face of hers.

"And who are you?" she asked, lowering her voice to a purr. Zhao Yun didn't seem to be sure if he was supposed to be insulted or frightened.

Swallowing hard, Zhao Yun said, "Uh, I was just about to ask you-"

"You were going to ask me to marry you? Of course I will!" she exclaimed, tackling Zhao Yun with a huge bouquet in her skinny, skinny hands.

"Wha…N-no, that's not what I meant!" he cried, slipping from her skinny grasps. Then she grinned at him menacingly with her teeth showing, "Ah, please stay away!" With that, he ran like hell.

"**Noooooooooo!**" he screamed, "**STAY AWAY!**"

**Sorry, if it got really stupid, but I haven't been writing so… **


	5. A Recipe for Disaster!

**I'm baaaaaaack! Yes and more Dynasty Warriors crack as I've left off…wow, everyone seems so OOC here…I'll try to fix that now…it's been awhile since me last update. Okay…enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors**

**Chapter V: A Recipe for Disaster!**

Yes, it's me Lu Xun yet again!

Let's go back to where we last left off…now what was that? Oh yes, yes!

So Zhao Yun ran and ran from that nasty nurse lady. Boy, she jumps into the arms of the first guy she sees…she needs a life. I mean, he's not even as hot as…me!

Right, back to the story, so he ran for awhile and he was so fast, he was faster than a speeding bullet! Well…no not really. They ran through the halls, screaming like there was no tomorrow.

She was getting closer and closer with every minute. Man, can she run fast!

I don't think Zhao Yun even looked where he was going cause the next thing he knew, he bumped into Lord Sun Quan who obviously still did not know where on Earth the bathroom was. I commend his powerful bladder for holding out that long actually…

"It's that guy from Shu!" Lord Sun Quan exclaimed, totally forgetting his name probably from all the pain he felt since he didn't get to pee yet.

Zhao Yun, too frightened to be caught by the freaky nurse lady, collided into Lord Sun Quan.

"What is the meaning of this?" Lord Sun Quan asked as he stood up. But as he looked up, he saw that horridly and disturbingly ugly nurse towering above him and Zhao Yun!

Lord Sun Quan shrieked like a little girl. "Oh heavens, save me!" he cried out. I think he wet himself. I mean in that situation, I know I would…

"Now you know the meaning of this!" Zhao Yun exclaimed, running off. Lord Sun Quan, frightened, ran as well.

Then I changed the camera, trying to follow them, but no, even if I had been using that surveillance system for like what so long…I pressed the wrong button. The alcoholic smell of the hospital must've corroded my brain cells! Ugh!

I saw Jiang Wei, who had apparently gotten lost from his idol, smiling as he saw Zhou Yu in a skirt pass by. He had his hands behind his back as me muttered something to himself.

Zhuge Liang's protégé then approached Zhou Yu. "Excuse me…" he muttered shyly, with his hands behind his back.

"Damn it! Now _Zhuge Liang_ will hear about this! Why?" Zhou Yu murmured rather softly. But I hear everything! Wa ha ha! Ahem…

And then Jiang Wei took out a big bouquet of flowers. "I actually, kind of like you, Miss Nurse…" he said, blushing. Jiang Wei fiddled with his fingers as Zhou Yu held the bouquet in his hands, dumb-struck by it all.

I laugh! Ha, ha!

Hey, Zhou Yu should wear a skirt more often! Think of all the soldiers we could recruit if we got him to advertise the army in a nearly transparent, really short skirt. The soldiers are always so horny…which probably explains my new bare stomach outfit and all our brand new female Wu soldiers.

Zhou Yu's face flushed. He looked like he was about to faint, which I expect he would've done, had that caped freak not arrived on the scene. He was signing, "Daa-daa-dum-daa-dum-dum!" in an awfully off-key and earsplitting voice. Whoever made that new superhero theme song of his should perish in hell.

"Ugh! Heaven knows I suffer with idiots!" Zhou Yu screeched, running away from the two.

The caped menace looked confused, "What was that about?"

"I think you scared him away, Ma Chao." Jiang Wei told him, sadly.

"Ma Chao? I'm not Ma Chao! I am Super Ma Chao!"

Then Jiang Wei bowed his head so that his eyes would be covered by the shadow of his head which gives a dramatic effect and that kind of crap. "The one person I actually liked…" he murmured, looking up, "With the exception of the Prime Minister cause he's just so awesome and hot and so strong and manly. He's just the smartest and the best, I mean, his ebony mustache is like the hottest around and he has the best body, so buffed up and he's just the best strategist in the world. He's so cool and flawless, no one can compare to him and he's just so kind and sweet and every time you see him it's as if time stops…"

He was then interrupted by Ma Chao's loud snores. I don't blame him for falling asleep though.

"Hey! Listen to my lengthy and obviously not factual fanboy monologue about how cool the Prime Minister is, Ma Chao!" Jiang Wei pouted.

"I-I'm not Ma Chao!" the loon exclaimed, aroused from his sleep, "Shush. That's my secret identity!"

"But everyone knows who you are, Ma Chao."

"You're right; I should find a side-kick, for justice!"

"I didn't say anything like that." Jiang Wei protested, "Ma Chao, are you high on drugs?"

"For justice!" the caped maniac cried, running off to find a poor victim for him to harass into being his new sidekick.

Shaking his head, Jiang Wei said, "Hmm…maybe I can find that really cute nurse and tell her all about the Prime Minister and possibly try to get her to like me in the most cliché ways imaginable!"

Seriously…there's something wrong with those Shu people.

Just then, Zhuge Liang appeared. "Jiang Wei? Where are you?" that Zhuge Liang fellow hollered. I personally don't like him…he's like an OMFGWTF, So PeRfEcT like ph34r me!1!111 Pft. Hey, lookie, I learned that weird language those frightening girls use on the internet:D

Then I pressed the wrong button again…I feel so bad…

This time, it was back to Ling Tong and Gan Ning.

They were hugging each other, shaking so much. Their legs were like jello. Cool! Not the green kind though with the coconut bits…like the red one cause we're all ridiculously color coded in a way that it would be easy for the enemy to obliterate our soldiers without mistakenly hitting their own in the process.

One of the dead bodies was like moaning and then the toes started wiggling, which made them both scream and start to bang on the door, asking for help.

"I'm too young and frickin' piratey to die!" Gan Ning wailed, "Eat Ling Tong! He tastes better."

"Thank you and damn you, Gan Ning!" Ling Tong hissed, "No, we gotta work together!"

"You're right. What do we do?" the pirate asked until the other general grabbed him and used his thick skull to try to bash the door down kinda like a battering ram. But it didn't work.

"Y-you killed my brain cells!" Gan Ning yelled as if not affected from being fatally hit on the noggin.

"Not a problem…there's not much brain cells to kill anymore." Ling Tong sneered.

Suddenly, the body moaned again and started to sit up. The cloth that covered it stared to slide down its face.

The two Wu generals hugged each other again and screamed like banshees.

Then I got scared and pressed the button. On purpose this time! Honest!

I saw Lord Sun Ce wandering around, until Ma Chao came out of no where and placed his arm on Lord Sun Ce's shoulder. "You shall be my new sidekick."

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked, eying Ma Chao.

"You shall join me in my adventures to uphold justice!"

"Who's justice?" Lord Sun Ce asked, bewildered like always.

The superhero shook his head. "It is the one thing we must protect and worship! Our new master!"

"What's in it for me?"

"Money, power, girls and booze."

"Woah! Really?"

"Actually…no, not–"

"I'm in!"

"Great!" Me Chao exclaimed, throwing Lord Sun Ce some spandex, "Quick wear your costume to hide your identity!"

Then I turned the camera somewhere else, yet again…it was the parking lot.

Don't blame me! My finger slipped! And it was the alcoholic smell! Yes, the smell…

Lu Bu was panting, surrounded by a hundred bodies and smashed up, burning cars. The maniac let out a monstrous laugh.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Fear me, O, Parking!" he cackled. Then he stopped to think, which I think was probably a first for him. "Hmm…parking sounds kinda catchy…" Lu Bu murmured to himself, "Parking...Oh! I shall now be called _The Warrior Named Parking, Formerly Known as Lu Bu©_! Yeah!"

…

_Right_…

…

Then he left to go into that hospital, skipping merrily, leaving craters the size of Texas in his wake.

Right after, leaving, _coincidentally_, I saw Cao Cao, sitting atop Xu Zhu's shoulders with his arms folded across his chest. His right-hand man, Xiahou Dun held these horse reigns around Xu Zhu's mouth. Oh man…Cao Cao must be _such_ a cheapskate to actually lessen budget on the horses.

"Oh boy, am I tired. So much walking in one day!" the Wei leader sighed, stretching atop his blubbery bodyguard/new horse.

Xiahou Dun looked to his boss. "Cousin, what are we doing visiting that annoying brat of Wu?" he asked.

He called me an annoying brat? That bastard…he's so mean…I sniffle.

"Isn't it obvious, Xiahou Dun? I'm going to kill all those useless enemies of ours in one swift blow since they're all here anyway." Cao Cao laughed, taking out a shiny contraption which resembled a lady's panty.

"What is it?"

"It's something new I ordered from this pornogra – this really not perverted and wholesome magazine!" Cao Cao said, brandishing the contraption.

The one-eyed general looked at it one more, slightly doubtful this time. "Really? What was the name of the magazine?"

"Why is that important?" Cao Cao stammered, "The thing is we've got a new B.O.M.B! That shall explode in all its fury!"

Well, considering that Cao Cao _did _get it from a dirty magazine…I wonder what the bomb does and why is it shaped like a panty?

"Come, we shall plant the bomb and watch it explode, then we shall look at all the young and sexy women in the hospital!" the Wei leader cackled, signaling his subordinate to move Xu Zhu, "And send the assassin to get that pyromaniac Wu kid…erm…what's his name…oh yeah, Billy."

What the hell? Billy? That's a mile away from the target, you retard.

Suddenly, butterflies appeared out of no where and the gay dude from Wei, Zhang He appeared with a flash of light, with five other gays wearing thick make up as they did some erotic dance moves to some Britney Spears song.

"I shall take care of that Billy of Wu!"

I'm not Billy! Oh, wait…that meant he was gonna kill me!

**I'll leave it there for awhile, till I get more zany ideas…**


End file.
